flaw-less, special presentation?!?!

~~yaaawwwn~~

as i arose this morning from a peaceful slumber, i lay in the bed,nestled under my comfy, colorful, coordinated comforter and gathered my thoughts....i began to reminisce. and recant. the dream that i had prior to waking up...can't say the dream happened last night, because i didn't go to sleep until 2 a.m..

so this is how the dream went....

me,yohance ( my beau), my older brother (yanyan), my best friend(yonnie), her husband (tre), murrie (other b.f) and my pastor(o'jimi) were on the stage at church... o'jimi announced "it's now time for a special presentation", yohance proceeds to get up and take the microphone. he faced me and began to ..not quite recite poetry, not quite freestyle in the rapping form...but rather he began to flow in his own yohance way..... though he was not rapping or singing, his words were melodic and musical to my ears as he professed his feelings for me in front of all these people! after his verbal expressions...he placed a BIG SOLITAIRE DIAMOND RING on my finger. i was tearful and ecstatic! yanyan took the mic and began to give his blessings to yohance and mi....as he was speaking, i took my seat and began to show my BIG DIAMOND RING to my friends. tre was sitting next to me , i showed my BIG DIAMOND RING to him first, not paying attention to the expression of "what the h.." on his face. he then passed the ring to yonnie, and she and murrie carefully observed my BIG DIAMOND RING.....yonnie, gave me the RING back saying "ooh, yeah, that's nice gyrrrl" in her own yonnie way! i was pleased with my beau, my BIG DIAMOND RING and the way of the proposal. the special presentation ended...yohance and i went home. we began to watch the video of the special presentation..as we watched, unknowingly to yonnie and murrie, they were being taped...they were pointing and laughing at my BIG DIAMOND RING....they weren't just snickering, they were doing these big exaggerated, pointing laughs! whaaaaat?!?! not my b.f.'s...hatin'? unh uh, couldn't be possible, not yonnie and murrie.....

i was sad.

so i went to inform sunnie t. (my mommie) of the wonderful news! {not sure why she wasn't at the special presentation, she goes to that church}..anyway, she was more excited than me... so she said "show me the ring mimi"....i proudly showed her my BIG DIAMOND RING....she exclaimed,"that is so po', that ring is so wack, you need to tell him to take that back and get you something else!" i was shocked! not my sunnie t. she is my biggest supporter, if no one else is rooting for me and in my corner, sunnie t. is.

i was sad and confused.

"what? what is wrong with it sunnie? it is a BIG DIAMOND RING!" she said "have you looked at it?" "uhh, yeah!" i had glanced at it, didn't bother to carefully observe it.

my internal feelings of joy,appreciation and love distracted me from inspecting my beau's material expression of his feelings.

after i put my feelings to the side, and began to analyze my memories of tre's facial expression, yonnie & murrie's amusement, and sunnie t.'s direct disgust with the RING...i took a careful look at my BIG DIAMOND RING.

let me describe what i saw:

a white..no, not white gold, but a plastic white band, with a BIG SOLITAIRE DIAMOND rhinestone... end of dream







when i woke up, i smiled!

my internal feelings of joy,appreciation & love did not change. i called yonnie, sunnie t. and yohance and rehashed the content of the dream to them.

i laughed.
and
laughed
and laughed.
it was funnie...
i like the feeling that the dream produced.

The Weekend

the movies are a nice escape from reality, for 2 and a half hours, one can get inside the mind of a killer, a thief, a poet, a hopeless romantic, a lost soul, or whatever roles the characters may play. "the world is a stage and everybody got to play their part"-Andre 3000. this is true, however, when it is on the big screen and it has nothing to do with your daily tasks/issues/events, its such a relief and deviation from the norm. i love going to the movies, i especially love going to live plays, but since i don't have much access to the types of plays i like to see, the movies pacify me. today i was able to go see a very suspenseful movie...and for those 2 and a half hours, i felt so thankful to be watching someone else's fictional life portrayed......i was also able to do a little therapy today....retail therapy that is!!----just wanted to talk about that for a minute
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Inspired by.....ATL

does time really matter

when

distance is a factor

especially since you evoke so much laughter

it is soon

but who can really predict

when a flower will fully bloom

let it flow

let the inhibitions go

know what 'um talkin' bout?

i do,without a shadow

of a doubt

i am confident that you are too

that is why its up to me and you

to make it do what it should do

i..

i.
i feel..
i feel like...
i feel like writing....
i feel like writing & musing.....
i feel like writing & musing & rambling......
i feel like writing & musing & rambling & rejoicing.......

lately, i have felt like i have had something to say, but not quite the words to say it....
i was hoping that i was not beginning to lose my 'umph' or ability to express myself ....... but i think i have it back.

i.
i am..
i am happy...
i am happy and thankful....
i am happy & thankful to.....
GOD......
i am happy and thankful to GOD for.......
i am happy & thankful to GOD for life........

i see no need to worry about the outcome of life. if you think about it, worrying does not improve a situation, it does not add to the quality of life...well, it does add...it adds unnecessary stress (not eustress) & headaches. don't' get me wrong, i have not gotten to the point, where i am a completely worry-free person, but i work really hard at it. when i begin to doubt or become fearful, i have to stop and check myself and of course pray.....

i.
i pray..
i pray for peace...
i pray for peace & acceptance....
i pray for peace & acceptance & trust.....
i pray for peace& acceptance& trust& discernment.....
i pray for peace& acceptance & trust & discernment &wisdom.......

it's one thing to have discernment and wisdom, but it is another thing to utilize & apply the discernment and wisdom appropriately in all situations. life is full of experiences that we are supposed to learn and grow from. i try to do the best that i can. sometimes, i know that i am not applying the discernment and wisdom that i have acquired. knowing is half the battle though, right? denial is wack. i hope that i am never in denial. i like to be self aware. sometimes its hard to accept personal flaws. i am open to knowing mine, so that i can fix them... or at least work on minimizing them...everybody has them. it is wack to not be aware of them though. or at least being open to learning of them.

i.
i hope..
i hope to...
i hope to grow....
i hope to grow & gain.....
i hope to grow & gain wisdom......
i hope to grow & gain wisdom & knowledge......

i.
i feel..
i feel & i pray...
i feel & i pray & i hope....

i feel and i pray and i hope for wisdom, discernment, peace,love and happiness!

i.
i am..
i am & i will....
i!

searching....random....

i feel moved to blog this morning....i should be doing some work, but i need to talk or write or express myself in some way.... i don't know exactly what it is that i need to say, so i'll just write 'til it comes out. journaling, writing, blogging is a good way to get some stuff out. i'm happy, but i'm sad at the same time.....no, i'm not bi-polar or borderline...i'm actually at a good place in my life,I'll even create a gratitude list:
*GOD's grace, love, mercy and presence
*a phenomenally loving &caring family
*family's good health
*my sound emotional, physical&mental health
*my job
*my car
*my home
*my finances
*my fantastic beau
*my silly best friends
*love, the ability to give it and receive it
*peace
*hope
*food
*the sun........
My list can go on&on, but this is just the gist of why there is really no need for me to be sad... but i'm not sad in a bad, depressed way, i'm sad in good way...makes no sense huh? well, i understand it.... its kinda like eustress and distress...eustress is a good, healthy form of stress,whereas distress is a painful form of stress..anyway, lets' just say i am experiencing the "eustress" of sadness...i am grateful that i am having this kind of sadness rather than the "distress" of sadness.... feel me now?
oh my...guess i never said the source of my "eustress sadness".........
..."it's so hard for me to say this,i'm struggling to find the right words...what i felt was past tense, what i feel you just havent heard....." -jill scott...i love to quote her, she says exactly what i'm feeling.... dont you just love when a song identifies and expresses your emotions for you? it makes it a lot easier for you/me/whosuneva.
seems like i'm avoiding the topic at hand huh? i guess i am, because as i'm writing, i'm starting to feel free and at peace and content...GOD is awesome, i pray for acceptance & peace and that is what i'm getting....the power of writing as a means of venting is so great...i love it.......

i'm not sure if anybody can gain anything from this post, but i did...i got some relief and i had a good time being vague and free and not having a purpose....or did i?